*** TRIGGER WARNING ***
Recent headlines featuring Rihanna and Chris Brown’s alleged reconciliation and Brown’s performance at the 2012 Grammy’s have made glaringly obvious the importance of discussing domestic violence, partnership violence, violence against women, and our cultural tendency to normalize or naturalize male violence.
In 2009 Brown was charged with felony assault and sentenced to serve five years probation and to spend more than 1,400 hours in "labor-oriented service" for hitting, punching, biting, threatening, and choking his ex-girlfriend Rihanna. He was also ordered to complete a 52-week domestic violence program. “The incident” happened just 5 days before the 2009 Grammy’s, making Brown’s 2012 Grammy “comeback” just three years later somewhat questionable.
Nine days after the 2009 assault, Brown sent a text message to Rihanna apologizing. Brown also issued a public apology where he stated the following: "Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired, I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother, and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person." Juxtapose this to a recent tweet Brown made after WINNING a Grammy: “HATE ALL U WANT BECAUZ I GOT A GRAMMY Now! That’s the ultimate FUCK OFF!” This comes after Brown announced in 2011 that he was “done apologizing” for the assault: "At the end of the day, if I walk around apologizing to everybody, I'm gonna look like a damn fool," he was quoted saying.
J. Bryan Lowder's Huffinton Post article “Why Rihanna And Chris Brown Can't Erase The Past, No Matter How Much They Collaborate” highlights the resonance of Rihanna and Brown’s recent commercial collaboration:
Collaboration suggests a personal relationship, and our eavesdropping on that interplay conjures up a feeling of intimacy between audience and artist that is very powerful. We feel like we know what's really going on with Rihanna and Chris Brown because we are virtually present in the studio with them, and here, the thing we're meant to know is that everything's OK now. The problem is, the strategy won't work; because of an infamous leaked photograph, we were also virtually present in the car that night three years ago when Brown beat Rihanna till her face was bruised and bloodied. And that kind of terrifying intimacy is not easily forgotten (Lowder n.p.)
The terrifying intimacy of this “situation” makes it necessary to discuss. What we need to keep in mind is that inherent within discussions about Rihanna and Brown are everyday issues of dating violence and relationship abuse. Tweets recorded in support of Brown’s Grammy win such as: “I'd let chris brown punch me in the face” and “i’d let chris brown beat me” suggest that conversations about domestic abuse and dating violence are well overdue.
The blatant capitalization of the assault is obvious in Rihanna’s Birthday Cake lyrics: “I know you wanna bite this” and “remember how you did it?” Brown’s rap during this song features the lyrics: “Girl I wanna fuck you right now (right now)” and “Been a long time, I’ve been missing your body” making all too clear the intended capitalization on the couples past relationship.
Generalizations and stereotypes seen in popular culture often reflect much larger cultural attitudes about domestic and partnership abuse, largely those of indifference (seeing it as a "private" matter) and victim blaming. In her article “Representing Domestic Violence” Diane Shoos notes that socially “some of our most harmful habits of mind have manifested themselves not in what we think about batterers but in our failure to think about them” (Shoos 59). Popular discourse on domestic violence characterizes women as guilty of choosing the wrong men but does not hold men responsible for hitting women. We also tend to believe that abuse is something that happens (mostly) between normative heterosexual couples (“by men to women”) - it does not.
Hopefully, most of us won't be able to forget how Brown did it and the conversation won’t end with “they have gotten over it – so should you!” This is no longer a conversation about Rihanna and Brown, but one about how domestic violence is being portrayed, packaged, and sold to us.
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If you or anyone you know needs help or information regarding domestic abuse and dating violence – here are some resources in CANADA and the USA.
